Broken...

Something is broken...and I don't know what it is...so I'm not even sure I know how to fix it...I'm not sure if I'm depressed, or have some anger issues, or what's going on, but I feel myself right on the edge of destructive mode...like I'm one step away from losing all control...I know this initiation thing is a lot of it, but I just feel like there is something deeper, something more that I need to get to the root of...I need therapy or something...family therapy, personal therapy...I just need to figure out what's wrong...I know there's something off..something not working right..something broken...I need help figuring out what it is...today has been a very stressful day...Allen had duty yesterday...then a golf tournament today...so I haven't seen him..not had any of his help getting the house ready for my Dad and his fiance to come...I've steam cleaned the couch, carpets, cleaned the house, finished the laundry...made their bed...I went to Lowe's to return the steam cleaner, and pick up more cleaning supplies...then took the kids to the Commissary to pick up groceries...what a mistake...remind me to never go there again on a Saturday morning with 3 kids..the day after pay day...I know I lost my patience more than once...the kids must think I'm terrible...the house is as clean as it's going to get...I've mopped the kitchen..loaded/unloaded the dishwasher...washed the cupboards...cleaned the bathrooms...vacuumed the rooms I didn't steam clean...all the while feeding the kids..playing with the kids..changing dirty bums...I'm embarrassed at the state of the yard...but I just can't muster the energy to get out there and cut the grass...instead I'm just going to play the song "welcome to the jungle" as my Dad and Martina arrive....it's that bad...yes..something is broken...and I gotta figure out how to fix it...I hope I don't work next Sunday...I really think Church might be a big help...

Girls Night

I had a fabulous time last night with the girls, we went to Catch 21 on the Oceanfront. It was so nice to be out, without kids, and feeling not guilty about it at all. I deserved the night out. It was so nice to see some of my favorite faces.

Niki, it's been too long. You welcomed me into your home town..and made me feel comfortable and at peace being away from my home land. You introduced me to some of the girls I hold dearest to my heart now. I miss you now that you are gone, but your a forever friend. So it doesn't matter. We will always be close in heart.

Lori, where do I start. Not only have you embraced me, and our friendship, you LOVE my family, my children and my husband. You have a generous heart, and you are such an honest friend. I love that you are a part of my life now, and I truly believe that my life path crossed with yours for a reason. That it was God's plan for us to be friends. Thank you for it all.

Carrie, I admire you on so many levels. I feel honored that we are friends. I love that we can have intense, meaningful and intelligent conversations, all while we are chasing after our children. You are an inspiration in so many ways. It makes me feel very special that you consider me a friend, and I appreciate your support, insight, and great company.

Jenna, I had a FABULOUS time getting to talk with you last night. It was so nice to have such great conversation. We've never really had that opportunity before, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Meghan & Kim, it was so nice to be able to have adult conversations with you both. I hope this is the beginning of more wonderful friendships. You both are so much fun.

Niki - pass on to Jessica I think she's a riot. I know I could have a lot of fun with her if I didn't fall asleep first. Next time I'll have to better prepare for a GNO by having a nap before hand and scheduling a sitter for the next morning so I can recover. Gosh I'm getting old.

Anyways, as you can tell last night was not only about fabulous food, but it solidified that Virginia Beach is my home now. I am finally able to say that, and it's all because I've put it some roots, built some of the most precious relationships here, and I feel at peace. I do miss Canada, and my friends and family there and that's OK, I have friends here now who can help me with that.

As I was out last night, I wondered why Allen and I didn't do more things in the area to actually enjoy the area. Why do we go out and go to places we can go anywhere in the country?? Why don't we try new things more often?? I realized that those places are part of the draw and fun of living in Virginia Beach, and I've been here over a year and am not experiencing them. Once all these Chief things settle, and we get back to a normal routine, it's my goal to get out more.

I'm stepping outside the box ladies and gentlemen. Yay for me!!

Fruit Salad Success

Fruit Salad

So we've made a plan for the day...the kids came up with an idea of making fruit salad...so we made a list of everything we'll need....AJ printed the list for spelling practice...some errors but I took the opportunity to have him write them out the right one...

• strawberries
• bananas
• apples
• grapes
• blueberries

so we're all going to get dressed and head over to the grocery store..come home make some fruit salad..then enjoy...

Allen has a carwash today...he told me not to drive all the way to Portsmouth for this one...but to come to a more local one. I may go anyways...just to get the kids out for a bit of family fun..but I'm still undecided.

Gotta go...we have a shopping list we must take care of.

Early Morning Thoughts...

So it's early..I'm waiting on the sitter to arrive..then I'll be heading to work. The kids are sleeping soundly...I'm going to miss Emma's morning snuggles...I already do...and it's only been a few days of this.

Really..I know it'll be worth it in the end. Once Allen is done with his initiation, and things finally settle into a routine...we'll be on the same schedule...we'll be spending much more time as a family.

To my surprise Allen was home fairly early last night. In time to see the kids off to bed infact. The kids were through the roof when he came through the door. They were so excited...they hadn't seen him since Sunday night. It was nice. He was out of it though. As soon as the kids were down..so was he..on the couch. It took me several tries and lots of coaching to get my very exhausted DH into bed. My heart felt sad for him...but proud all the same. He's already losing weight. His face looks smaller. After 6 weeks of this..he'll put my weight loss to shame. He's already doubled what I've lost...in what feels like less time.

Anyways..time to be off. I do like my new hours..I love not having to close..but I still grumble and groan everytime that alarm goes off. I like my sleep.

Love to all!! xo