Jack-O-Lanterns...

We had a great night, Carrot soup, salmon, and then we carved pumpkins. We skipped dance class this week...Emma got into her dance bag, we couldn't find her ballet slippers, and she just wasn't motivated enough to look very hard. Neither Allen or I really wanted to take the time out to take her, we just wanted some good old family fun...so we got out the knives, spoons, and got a little messy. The kids loved it...they were all elbow deep in mess, and totally loved watching Mommy and Daddy carve away..next year I'll have carving tools they can use..this year I obviously overlooked that detail...too much going on I guess... they started to get annoyed with Allen and I over all the pictures we were taking..but we were really trying to get Connor to make his "angry" face...he does it sooooo well, and it's quite hilarious...the last picture is my favorite...Emma looks soooooo freaking funny...almost as funny as her comment at dinner...we were all sitting down and ready to say our prayers...Emma wasn't folding her hands..and we were all like "hurry up Emma" and she was all apologetic "oh sorry..I was just picking a wedge out of my bum" then proceeded to fold her hands...needless to say both Allen and my shoulders were shaking during prayers... I'm going to be quitting work soonish..I want to give them one months notice, enough time for to help train their new person...I'm just feeling this overwhelming urge to focus my time and efforts solely on my husband, my children, and my home...I think it would help my mental health too...I need to feel more at ease...and not that I'm not enjoying myself and my work when I'm at work...there is just so much I don't have time for that I'm missing...Lori and her beauties being a prime example...today was wonderful...even if her kiddos get injured every time they are here...I'm sure her DH will keep letting her come by...if not..her casa et my casa..right?? haha

Monday Blahs??

So after a great day Sunday with the family...Hunt Club for pumpkins and petting zoo, and then a nice lunch followed by a beautiful sunny afternoon playing outside, and some long quiet naps...it was just sweet perfection...

I woke up this morning...feeling very rundown...it's been coming for a long time...something lingering there...it's actually a number of things...I've actually come to the conclusion I can't please everyone...until I fix myself...so I've got that ball rolling...I've made two appointments...yep..therapy..here I come...whew..I admitted it..that I needed help..got some support and words of advice, and finally made myself an appointment...gotta sort out my anger..gotta sort out the sadness...gotta make myself all better because this baby is coming soon, and I need to bring it into the world stress free...good luck right??

I need to direct my anger more accordingly because taking it out on the kids or Allen isn't the right thing to do...I just now need to find the direct source..or sources...and my sadness...well it's just been a crazy few years for me, lots on my plate..lots of big changes..and some changes I just wasn't ready for...some people I need in my life...I know life goes on...and I know I was the one that moved away...I guess I just figured there would be a bit more need on their part too...but it's me that had the attachment issues I guess...I was told I don't know them if I don't know how they really feel...I know them...I know how they felt...and I can't blame them that things go the way they do...but it makes me sad none the less...and what am I suppose to think when it's played out this way?? The 3 of them mean so much to me...so much more than they know...but even though I'm in a different country...and have been for awhile...I've never felt so far away as I do now...I'm sad...and I need to get over the sad...it's affecting me, my kids, my husband, and now because of one of my previous blog posts..them...

Not meant to hurt them...I was putting my feelings into words...sure a website might not be the place..but when you don't speak to someone for ages...and I mean AGES...the last thing you want to do when you do speak is bring up some of those emotions...I'm sorry if I hurt feelings...but my feelings were hurt...I may have misinterpreted the situation...but I'd probably still not know about it..or their "plans" for me if I hadn't noticed the picture...

Anyway...there is a light...I feel like therapy might help me deal with my issues...they go WAAAAAAY back...like 10 years back...now just to find the right therapist to talk to...hopefully first time's a charm...

Oooh the pain...

The headaches are back!! Ugh!! They seem to be hitting me at the same time everyday. Yesterday...I tried to ride it out. Slept through the pain, but woke up this morning still feeling the throbbing...I had to take some excedrin migraine. It was ok'd when I was pregnant for Connor. I figured it was safe this time too. There was no way I could have functioned today without it. I'm a bit shaky today, could be I overslept, could the halfcaf coffee, could be the pain meds. We need to get out of the house again...so we'll likely venture to Nanette's.

Yesterday we went to Lori's for the popcorn party. I have to say that my kids thoroughly impressed me. They were so good!! Connor didn't "bully" any kids, and Emma was too busy dressing up to eat Lori out of house and home. She really only surfaced from the playroom to gather a few cookies, and then she'd disappear again. Towards the end of the playdate she came out all gussied up to jump on the trampoline. No behaviour issues, no stress, it was a great morning with good people!!

Woah it's been awhile...

Sorry about that...if there's anyone out there still checking to see if I've updated..haha...

really there's not a lot to talk about..we're struggling with AJ's teacher at school. That's a big sore spot for me right now..wanna get me fired up..ask me about that...basically she's insisting we get him diagnosed so he can be medicated...the poor kid has had so much adjustment to do these last 6 months..I just don't think it would be fair for us to get him diagnosed at this stage in the game...he needs some positive reinforcements, some self esteem, and some time to get used to being a 6 year old boy with expectations and responsibilities. He's never got any of these...he is so understimulated that it's sad...and basically his teacher feels hard done by because she needs to give him some extra attention...ok..before I get myself into a tissy..I need to stop there...

Connor is doing well...he's learning new words everyday..the cutest thing he does lately is watching Football with Daddy. He sits snuggled up next to Daddy, and will clap and cheer anytime the crowd on TV does...we've taught him to say "touchdown" as he raises his arms up high and "defence" as he pumps his fist out...he's super cute...I was angry with the other two children the other day...yelling my fool head off because they had messed up a room I had just cleaned up..Connor came walking over to me and wanted up..so I picked him up and he just gave me a hug...totally calmed me down..just what I needed to help me express to the other two how angry I was without spitting my words at them...

Emma..is back in dance...she is super excited...she'll be one of the youngest in her class, which I think will be really good for her..will help keep her on task to see the others on task...Nana was just here for a visit, and Emma loved every minute of it..she loves her Nana..and misses her all the time...

Julie and Jenn are visiting now for Thanksgiving..we'll do a turkey on Sunday..and then hopefully Lindsay and Tyler will be our next visitors...I love visitors...they bring "home" to me...it's nice..and it makes you feel special that people would come this far..just to see you...I love my friends.