So after a great day Sunday with the family...Hunt Club for pumpkins and petting zoo, and then a nice lunch followed by a beautiful sunny afternoon playing outside, and some long quiet naps...it was just sweet perfection...
I woke up this morning...feeling very rundown...it's been coming for a long time...something lingering there...it's actually a number of things...I've actually come to the conclusion I can't please everyone...until I fix myself...so I've got that ball rolling...I've made two appointments...yep..therapy..here I come...whew..I admitted it..that I needed help..got some support and words of advice, and finally made myself an appointment...gotta sort out my anger..gotta sort out the sadness...gotta make myself all better because this baby is coming soon, and I need to bring it into the world stress free...good luck right??
I need to direct my anger more accordingly because taking it out on the kids or Allen isn't the right thing to do...I just now need to find the direct source..or sources...and my sadness...well it's just been a crazy few years for me, lots on my plate..lots of big changes..and some changes I just wasn't ready for...some people I need in my life...I know life goes on...and I know I was the one that moved away...I guess I just figured there would be a bit more need on their part too...but it's me that had the attachment issues I guess...I was told I don't know them if I don't know how they really feel...I know them...I know how they felt...and I can't blame them that things go the way they do...but it makes me sad none the less...and what am I suppose to think when it's played out this way?? The 3 of them mean so much to me...so much more than they know...but even though I'm in a different country...and have been for awhile...I've never felt so far away as I do now...I'm sad...and I need to get over the sad...it's affecting me, my kids, my husband, and now because of one of my previous blog posts..them...
Not meant to hurt them...I was putting my feelings into words...sure a website might not be the place..but when you don't speak to someone for ages...and I mean AGES...the last thing you want to do when you do speak is bring up some of those emotions...I'm sorry if I hurt feelings...but my feelings were hurt...I may have misinterpreted the situation...but I'd probably still not know about it..or their "plans" for me if I hadn't noticed the picture...
Anyway...there is a light...I feel like therapy might help me deal with my issues...they go WAAAAAAY back...like 10 years back...now just to find the right therapist to talk to...hopefully first time's a charm...
Monday, October 27, 2008
Monday Blahs??
Posted by The Bowmans at 3:13 PM
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3 comments:
Girl, I'm so proud of you for getting professional help!!! I truly am. About getting feelings hurt - it is one of the few things I can genuinely respond with, "I know how you feel." The thing is, serious hurt changes a relationship. It makes it not what it once was. It CAN make it stronger, but that takes effort, time, and LOTS of communication... which would be very difficult, considering the distance. Which means you've lost something special. Not only are you hurt, you're mourning. And I'm sorry you're going through this at such an immensely overwhelming time in your OWN life. You DO have a lot on your plate. And I'm so sorry you are stretched so thin and lacking the luxury of time. I miss you immensely. It seems I always have company when you call. Shannon, my Hampton friend, is coming over tomorrow. But she'll be gone before two. Call me when you get home. Let's have a nice, long chat. I LOVE YOU!!!
I am proud of you Christy. There is no reason to be embarassed, and certainly no reason to go through life upset and sad. I have been to therapy a couple different times, for different things I needed help with and am a total advocate! Our husbands are great, but sometimes you just want to talk to someone whose job it is to listen and not speak until you make it clear you want them to! Please keep me posted on how it is going. Love you.
Christy,
I think you talking to a therepist will really help you. I am going now and I actually look forward to my appointments. I need that time. I know I don't know you very well, but you have a beautiful family and from all you have posted you take great care of them - time to take care of yourself.
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