validation...

on my feelings..as I layed them out there with brutal honesty..takes the weight off..

"disengage emotionally" ... I would have never guessed after hearing me..that would be what someone would say..I thought that's where I was lacking..that was where my guilt came from..I wasn't there emotionally..ha..turns out I don't have to be...right now..

gonna try it..gonna let you know..

Music

After a few years of marriage..the hustle and bustle of the "real" world..our gaggle of kids..I still get that flutter in my tummy when I hear a special song on the radio!!

I love you hubbs!!

Baby Girl Bowman

I had to take down the other one..Melissa let me know the ultrasound pictures had Allen's social in it..seeing as this is way out there public..had to revamp the pics..so here they are..for your viewing pleasure.. ;o)

3 more sleeps..

Until Allen gets home...I must say..aside from a slight meltdown due to some Navy issues (change of duty day..which messed up my plans..of course) I've held it together quite nicely..I have even managed to get all 3 kids in for their appointments..and have done 1 out of 2 for mine (which all occure in the same week..within 3 days of each other)..whew..I couldn't have pulled it off without Melissa T..and Lori though..those two are gifts..I'm not sure if it would have even been feesable for me to do without them. Tomorrow is my ultrasound..I'm excited..but nervous..I'll be saying my goodnight prayers tonight for no issues to be detected..for a healthy baby..

Some other random updates...

Connor STILL has an ear infection..they gave him a different antibiotic to hopefully knock it out of him. He's not been sleeping through the night..or going down nicely..which makes sense now..but was soo frustrating before. He is showing more interest in the potty..sits on it for some time..but..has yet to use it..he certainly likes flushing it though.

Emma has started to wake up dry some nights..so we're doing the underwear at night..and so far..just a couple accidents..which are tending to happen first thing in the morning..likely when she's in that inbetween stage. She's gone back to being really into Cinderella..and choses to watch that movie almost everyday..thankfully she naturally moved away from the Christmas movies once the holidays were over..so I can't complain about Cinderelly playing over and over again.

AJ is going to be screened for ADHD..I'll keep you posted on that. I'm not sure how I feel on it..I'm pretty sure..I mean there are clear signs..and I should feel comfortable with the diagnosis..considering I lived with kids..for 3 summers straight with the same issues..however..it's a whole different ball game when it's your kid..your house..I'm struggling to figure out how I feel about medication vs. not medicating..it's all a blur..and I feel like I'm getting ahead of myself..although the Doctor basically told me to prepare ourselves..and that she wanted Allen at the next apt.

Allen is out to sea..just a short period..but feels like forever to me. We just found out Chief pay will be kicking in next month. Such a relief..we can't wait to put Emma in pre-school, and do some other things around the house we've been wanting to do...AND SAVE!! Finally..we'll be able to do a big chunk of SAVING!!!

I'm doing good, hanging in there..I will admit just getting the house in order has lifted my spirits. I do still have a lot that needs to be done..and the list seems to grow longer before it gets shorter..but we've tackled a huge part of it already, and I'm thrilled by the changes. The baby is growing..I've only got 2 pair of pants I can wear right now..but the funny thing is I've actually lost weight..doc said it was ok this apt..next one she'll be concerned, she also told me not to come back 15lbs heavier..I guess she saw the DQ blizzards flash in my eyes as she told me to work on gaining weight..the baby is moving a lot..A LOT..and I'm pretty sure that when Allen gets home..he'll be able to feel it move from the outside..nobody else has felt it yet..he tried before he left..but no luck..we still haven't chosen a name for a girl..I absolutely LOVE the name Harper..but Allen doesn't..he really dislikes it..I wish it would grow on him..but in the end..I know how I'd feel if someone pushed me into naming it something I truly didn't like..there's still hope though..and I'll hold out until the final say is said. Harper Joy Bowman..just sounds sooo beautiful to me..soft..pretty..unique..

Off to bed I must go..early morning tomorrow for that ultrasound..sweet dreams to my readers..xo

Juice...

...left on the counter for easy access throughout the day is NOT a good idea!!



Thank you Connor for your final "trick" of the day!!

*For those of you not familiar with my tiles..they are 12x12..not small tiles..so it's a BIG mess...

YAY!!

CONGRATULATIONS BRAD & TARA!!!!



I did it!! I kept the secret for as long as I needed to!! It was super hard to do..because it was an exciting secret...it was a special secret..and I was honored to be involved with it..the best though was talking to Tara the next day..the excitement in her voice that I couldn't wait to hear..I kept having to assure Brad it would be there...that it's not about all the silly things people worry about..it's just about the two of them..making a commitment to each other..I'm so happy and excited for them..I can't wait to hear all about your upcoming plans!!

I love you guys!! Congratulations!!

SHE SAID "YES"!!! January 10th (it was after midnight) 2009!!!

Nanette's Advice

I'm following it...so I've compiled a list..stuff to be done today..stuff that will be long term..but I'll update on here when I've completed something...

Fold Laundry
Load dishwasher
Go to Dollar General for wipes
Vacuum whole house
Sweep/mop kitchen floor
Clean bathroom ...(again grrr)
Put all laundry away
Take stuff to Salvation Army
Continue organizing my bedroom
Take down shelves in dining room
Touch up paint in dining room
Paint kids rooms
Switch kids rooms
Clean Windows
Vacuum car


Ok..so as I finish stuff...I'll unbold it...keep me accountable readers!! Keep me accountable!! LOL

Laziness...

has taken over...what is wrong with me that I avoid doing EVERYTHING I know I should be doing?!?! grrrr...

Hair Trauma...

It's taken me a couple of days to post..this happened on Wednesday..but..it was pretty shocking..and I'm not sure I'm over the shock yet..

It started out as the perfect play date..we had coffee..the company was wonderful..the kids were playing nicely..the mess was being contained to the bedrooms..there was a movie on the TV..so my friend and I didn't think anything of it..the kids came out every once in awhile..we'd go back in to check on them..well we got to talking..and didn't hear any fussing or fighting..so we kept talking..it was a nice talk..a great talk..then we heard one of the younger ones crying..so we both got up to investigate..as I walked into the room first..I noticed the babies were OK..but I heard Emma's voice "K let me cut her hair"..I said "Oh my" and my friend a few steps behind me says "oh no"...neither one of us picturing what we would find...as I walked across Emma's room (it all happened in slow motion at the time..but her room is not that big)..I saw Emma sitting behind her friend..and I was seeing TONS of hair on her bed..and less and less hair on her friends head..I went into shock..and started screaming "OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH" and I cried..I'll admit..I didn't handle it well..My friend..who's daughter had lost ALL her beautiful hair in the process had to calm ME down..I immediately got on the phone to call Melissa..our mutual friend who does hair..she promptly came over to do what she could..Emma's friend had cut her hair as well..but the tragically unfair thing about it, is Emma walked away with a cute little bob hair cut..and her friend..well..everyone keeps assuring me that in a couple of weeks it'll be a cute pixie cut..but I still can't help but feel like my daughter mangled her beautiful hair..while her friend did a pretty decent job on Emma's. Emma has no career in hairdressing..

I have to say though that my friend..handled the situation perfectly..my emotions were out of control..but she remained calm..and kept reassuring ME..she told me "it's just hair" and "I'm not emotionally attached to her hair" and "I've always wanted to try it short" .. she later emailed me with such a positive outlook on it all that it was completely refreshing..she's told me I'm not longer allowed to feel bad about the hair..but..you can't just turn those feelings off..I just wish there was a way to fix it..her daughter has such a beautiful little face..that even with Emma's hairdressing abilities..she looked beautiful..

In the end neither of the girls seemed bothered by it..K kept looking at herself in the mirror..Emma cried..I'm sure only because I was upset..these are two little girls who get along so well..they love the same things..they talk the same way..and they play the same games..I can't wait for them to play together again..but you can bet there wont be scissors anywhere near them at the time...



The back of Emma's hair..before Melissa had a chance to even it out..



Melissa fixing Emma's hair...



Emma's hair after...



A picture of Emma at Lori's house yesterday..

Emma's Interview

Niki had to steal this idea from you..hope you don't mind. I doubt I'll remember to do it every year...hopefully you'll remember..and remind me!! :oD I couldn't help by share my thoughts on her answers..so they are in italics.

What is your favorite...
Cereal - Fruit Loops
Vegetable - Carrot
Drink - Vanilla drink (not sure what she's talking about..maybe a milkshake? she doesn't have those often though).
Toy - Barbie
TV show - Horton
Game - playing monster with AJ
Book - A fairy one
Restaurant - Pizza (I think she's referring to Cici's)
Holiday - Christmas
Animal - Crocodile (??? really??)
Song - Kiss the girl
Color - purple

If you could change you name, what would it be? E-M-M-A (I don't think she got this concept..)
What do you love about...(what do you like to do with..)
Daddy - hugging
AJ - hugging
Connor - kissing him on the head
Mommy - kissing mommy
Nana - hugging
Papa - hugging
Uncle Tyler - hugging
Auntie Becky - hugging (Interesting theme here...)
All your friends - running and playing
Where do you want to go on vacation? I don't know.

Perfection...

There's no such thing..not in anyone..or anything..

Duty Visit

Daddy had duty today..and tomorrow they could be pulling out for 10 days..hopefully it's Tuesday, so we can see Daddy after work tomorrow..but who knows..so we decided to pick up some dinner on our way to see Daddy on his ship. As we walked through the gates to the pier at security..Emma says "mommy this is so exciting"..as if she's never been on a ship before..funny girl.

Anyway, we got to enjoy our meal in the Chief's mess watched some football with Daddy..listened to Connor yell "touch down" and then walked around the ship a bit. Saw Daddy's office, where Emma hung up her picture for Daddy. It was a nice visit, and something we hope to do more often on duty days..it breaks up the day for me..and is a nice change of pace for Allen.



The chairs were too big for Connor..and covered in leather..he enjoyed slip sliding around in it.

You can see Emma's cow picture for Daddy in this picture. She worked hard on it..we even had to have an impromtu anatomy lesson. She thought the uDDers were...well...she has two brothers..I'm sure you can imagine what she thought they were.



AJ and Emma..playing at the table..Emma's looking at her Daddy..she loves him..


Allen..doesn't he take just great photos?!?


Connor..cheesing it up for the camera..he loved those chairs..


AJ and Emma..I love Emma's smile..


The kids on one of the big tractors on the ship..


Next pose..Connor even higher..he was thrilled..

Big Wheels..for the "big kid"..

Happy New Year!!

It's 2009...wow..where did the time go?! Seriously..it feels like just yesterday my friends and I were holed up at my cottage in Northern Ontario, with no running water, wood stove to keep us warm, watching Lorne Robertson on CTV ring in the new year for the Millennium. There was so much snow we had to dig paths from the cottage, to the little cottage, to the outhouse..and it took HOURS just to get all our cars off the road. It was a fabulous time...one that will be remembered by all who were there...one where stories keep popping up in conversations to this day..now it's 9 years later..and my oh my how times have changed. I spent my evening, cleaning, sorting, organizing and still (yes still) unpacking from our trip to Canada for Christmas. I managed to stay up until midnight last night. It was difficult, but I spent the evening chatting with a friend of mine who was also staying in for the "big event".

I have to say..I could have gone out..there were options..I could have had people over..the fact of the matter is..I'm not exactly overjoyed that 2009 is on its way. I have probably one of the hardest years of my life ahead of me. Call me a wanker if you will..I'm sure there are people out there who have had a lot worse years than I'm hunkering down for..but..I'm headed down a dark road in how I'm dealing with it..Allen deploys in March..he's going away for 4 months..so do the math and yep..I'll be alone for the birth of our 4th and final baby. Ironically enough..he was there for our other 2..even though I was in Canada..and he was here. He made it each time. He'll be deploying a lot after that, a few weeks here..several weeks here..until likely end of 2009 he'll deploy for 7 months. I have 3 children already that are in need of some serious nurturing. One in particular who has more issues now as a 7 year old, than most adults have had to deal with. He's healing, and frankly..I've done a shit job so far to help him heal. I've been rather selfish with my reactions..and while I recognize it..I still struggle with it. I'm working on it though. Question..how do you even grocery shop with 4 kids by yourself?? I'm still trying to plan that one out.

Add to those that Lori and her family are moving. Even Allen was devastated to hear the news. So yeah..that's only the things I KNOW of happening next year...probably not a lot to someone else..but figure in that last year was the year of other big changes for me..and my mind isn't dealing with it the best way it knows how. Counselling is OK..but after my breakdown last week..we think I may need medication..

Enough doom and gloom..lets look at the positives..we're having a baby..that's always exciting..even when unplanned..we have set goals to become more financially "intelligent" ... and when Allen returns from his 4 months..we're HOPING that we can take some much needed time in Canada..an extended vacation to say the least. So all in all 2009 can't be THAT bad..but in all honesty..I'm still dreading that it's here..hopefully though this will all go by as fast as 2008 did.

Happy New Year everyone!!