Happy New Year!!

It's 2009...wow..where did the time go?! Seriously..it feels like just yesterday my friends and I were holed up at my cottage in Northern Ontario, with no running water, wood stove to keep us warm, watching Lorne Robertson on CTV ring in the new year for the Millennium. There was so much snow we had to dig paths from the cottage, to the little cottage, to the outhouse..and it took HOURS just to get all our cars off the road. It was a fabulous time...one that will be remembered by all who were there...one where stories keep popping up in conversations to this day..now it's 9 years later..and my oh my how times have changed. I spent my evening, cleaning, sorting, organizing and still (yes still) unpacking from our trip to Canada for Christmas. I managed to stay up until midnight last night. It was difficult, but I spent the evening chatting with a friend of mine who was also staying in for the "big event".

I have to say..I could have gone out..there were options..I could have had people over..the fact of the matter is..I'm not exactly overjoyed that 2009 is on its way. I have probably one of the hardest years of my life ahead of me. Call me a wanker if you will..I'm sure there are people out there who have had a lot worse years than I'm hunkering down for..but..I'm headed down a dark road in how I'm dealing with it..Allen deploys in March..he's going away for 4 months..so do the math and yep..I'll be alone for the birth of our 4th and final baby. Ironically enough..he was there for our other 2..even though I was in Canada..and he was here. He made it each time. He'll be deploying a lot after that, a few weeks here..several weeks here..until likely end of 2009 he'll deploy for 7 months. I have 3 children already that are in need of some serious nurturing. One in particular who has more issues now as a 7 year old, than most adults have had to deal with. He's healing, and frankly..I've done a shit job so far to help him heal. I've been rather selfish with my reactions..and while I recognize it..I still struggle with it. I'm working on it though. Question..how do you even grocery shop with 4 kids by yourself?? I'm still trying to plan that one out.

Add to those that Lori and her family are moving. Even Allen was devastated to hear the news. So yeah..that's only the things I KNOW of happening next year...probably not a lot to someone else..but figure in that last year was the year of other big changes for me..and my mind isn't dealing with it the best way it knows how. Counselling is OK..but after my breakdown last week..we think I may need medication..

Enough doom and gloom..lets look at the positives..we're having a baby..that's always exciting..even when unplanned..we have set goals to become more financially "intelligent" ... and when Allen returns from his 4 months..we're HOPING that we can take some much needed time in Canada..an extended vacation to say the least. So all in all 2009 can't be THAT bad..but in all honesty..I'm still dreading that it's here..hopefully though this will all go by as fast as 2008 did.

Happy New Year everyone!!